Tag Archive for 'girlfriend'

Suicide

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abraxus
 in memory. 0 Comments

I have a read a comment about what people search for on the site. 2 people apparently searched for suicide. So I thought: well, I kind of know a story about suicide too. Maybe those people and others interested in the topic would be happy to find some more on the subject.

There was one guy from Japan. His name is Takashi. Now he lives in Paris and studies music. At the moment when this story happenned he was eighteen and was travelling around California.
It was late autumn and the hotel he was staying  was nearly empty as it was a low season. Apart of Takashi there stayed just a few businessmen and two other Japanese guys in their thirties. Naturally those Japanese somewhere in empty hotel in America started to talk to each other and eventually got closer. 
In a couple of days one of them asked Takashi if he would like to join him for a walk. He had a rented car. They drove for a while until they came to a forest. It was massive and wild.
That man, let’s call him Mr. N, told to Takashi what this forest was infamous. A lot of people committed suicide here. He told him that back to Japan he had a business. He also had a girlfriend, but they lived separately, though she had a key from his place.
One day he came back home from work and found her dead: she hang up herself. As a result of the shock he had a nervous breakdown. He felt himself  guilty: she had chosen to die in his apartment, whatever reason she had. He couldn’t live in that place or concentrate on his work any longer, sold the business and started to travel to escape from his sadness but it followed him wherever he went. Eventually he became obsessed with the topic of suicide. He became attracted to places which people use for suicides. He travelled from one notorious suicide spot to another, and memories of his girlfriend haunted him. Originally he came to San Francisco to see Golden Bridge, as he’ve heard few hundred people a year jump off from it. And then he learnt about this forest. At that moment thoughts of suicide started to completely occupy his mind. He decided to finish off his life. So he came across this forest as the place he sought for himself.

But after he met Takashi, he changed his mind. And so Mr.N drove him back to the hotel. He didn’t see him since.

abraxus

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Dream in hand

Published by
abraxus
 in dream. 0 Comments

Once I had a weird dream. I guess I was 19 at the time. In this dream I am a bird, a pigeon. I see my girlfriend nearby me. She is naked: I can see her little breasts and her belly, and staff. She wears a tall fur hat on her head and  long boots somehow. She looks at me, and I look at her. She smiles. She comes closer. Suddenly she steps on my right wing and starts to crash it violently with her heel, in a very brutal way. I’m in pain, I scream, but I can’t do anything. I still remember my another wing flapping on the ground as in agony, so little clouds of dust come up. She smiles, she enjoyes it, but her smile is kind of evil now.

When I woke up, my right arm was swollen and hurt. I hardly could move it. So I went to university, where we both studied. I remember meeting her on a way, in a long corridor winding around the building. It was winter, and she was wearing a fur hat, though of a different shape. I came closer, she looked very distant and cold. I didn’t have a chance to tell her something, as she was the first one to say: ” we are finished. I’m with another guy”. And she left without saying anything else, without turning back.

My heart was broke. She was my first love and first girlfriend, and the guy she was talking about was nearly 10 years older, and just retired from army forces. He was massive, stupid and ugly, with red spots covering all his face and neck. I was the one who introduced him to her, as I met him on few times before in a student’s  film club.

I felt bad, very bad. And even worse: if he’d be cool, it wouldn’t hurt me that much. I guess it would be easier for me to understand. My hand was just fine in a couple of days after that. I never spoke to her afterwards again.

It is  a strange dream, as in Russian, my first language, people say sometimes “son v ruku” (dream in hand) about dreams in which we can see events which will later become true. I never had “dreams in hand” since.

abraxus

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