Last night in my dream I searched for various ways to kill myself. I was in a bathroom, so I toyed with using a frayed power cord in the outlet and contemplated dropping an appliance into the bathtub. Though I searched slowly and thoughtfully–and free of anxiety–I couldn’t find any method quick and painless enough.
The strange thing about the situation is that there was a reason I needed to do this. I have little recollection of this reason other than that it was for a good purpose that helped out others (perhaps my family). In any case, I was not trying to end my life out of frustration, anger, boredom, or depression; instead I felt this was something I needed to do–perhaps it was in my destiny. As I contemplated the prospect of nonexistence, I was pleasantly surprised to discover no fear of death although part of me felt like I didn’t yet fully understand the realization of impending death.
Jacob Haqq-Misra
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