“So did you want it to last longer?” The bartender asked as he placed another scotch in front of me.
“You bet I did.” I wanted to keep that feeling of love with me forever. “But things changed for a reason, I guess.” I wanted to believe that, but deep down, I knew I didn’t.
I was in love with this girl. It was the best time of my life. It was the only time I ever felt real, alive. When she’d touch me, even when we’d just bump into each other, it put me on a natural high.
We were closer to each other than to anyone else. We’d tell everything to each other, and we would keep nothing from each other. We were perfect together, and sometimes it would seem as obvious to her as it was to me.
“Do you regret it?” The bartender snapped me from my reverie.
I thought about it for a second. “There are times that I wish I had said something, where I’ll be drowining in my work and suddenly start asking myself “what if?” But like I said. In the end, it happened for a reason.”
I never knew how to respond when someone would ask me if I regretted it. There were still days where I’d break into tears of frustration and rage thinking what if we really were meant for each other? Other times I would be glad it was over and done with. What if it really wasn’t as good as we thought it would be? What if it really was just a big mistake?
“Do you still talk to each other?”
“No, we haven’t in years.”
It’s unreal to look back on it now. I see her everywhere, and everything makes me think of her- at Christmas all I can think of is standing on her doorstop with her as snow falls around us, illuminated by the porch light. On spring days I think about driving through town with her in my sports car. Clear nights make me think about sitting in the grass with her, watching the stars.
“It sucks, always having to second guess how it could’ve ended, you know?” The scotch was starting to affect me.
He nodded and continued cleaning his glass.
“You just have to hope things work out in the end,” I said as I leaned back and finished off my scotch.
Traverse
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