The most important day of my life was December 5, 1995, when I met my father for the first time. I was informed about his arrival and I was supposed to go and meet him at the local law court. I could not sleep the whole night and I was so nervous that I almost decided not to go, but, after a long conversation, my best friend Sivlija managed to convince me to change my mind. She went with me to the courthouse where we sat near the front door in order to see everybody entering. Suddenly Silvija showed me a grey man who was talking to the lawyer in the nearby corridor and she said: “For sure he is your father”. I did not believe her and I continued looking for a person from my dreams and from my grandmother’s stories: “He is a tall and strong man with black hair”, I was often told.
A minute later Silvija’s mother, who is employed there too, came and gave me a sign that he was the man I had been looking for - for 16 years. Then Silvija went to school and I stayed there alone. I knew that he was sitting behind the pillar, but I could not move. I stood there rooted, looking in his direction. I wanted to run away after I realised how many nights I has spend crying because of him, how many nights I had been dreaming about him, how much sorrow there still was in my heart because of him. I was so confused. All these memories threatened to destroy me. Finally I stood up and made the first step of the seven steps I will never forget.
I slowly approached him but I still could not believe that he was there and that he was real. Then he noticed me and I said: “Excuse me, we do not know each other but I would like to introduce myself. I am Lidija Gazic. I am your daughter”. I think he got up, told me to sit down and said: “Oh, dear you… I am very surprised”. I stared at him and realised that I have taken after him - we have got a similar chin, nose and green eyes. I was the happiest girl in the world in that moment. I even noticed tears in his eyes.
After we had talked for some time, we decided to go out for a walk. He invited me to have a drink with him but I refused (and I will probably never understand why I did it - yes, I had to go to school but it was not the reason to reject him). However, he managed to tell me many things during our short conversation - he told me that he was sorry because of his and my mother’s unreasonable behaviour, he asked me about my education my education and my free time, and I even found out that he knew the date of my birth and I felt as if it had been a dream, not reality. In that moment I wanted more then anything else to walk forever with him and to talk to him, I wanted so much to be near him and to love him. But - we had to part. It even started to rain like it had been raining the day when I was born and then, before we said goodbye to each other in front of the school, he told me: “Lidija, I want you to know that I will always love you and that we will meet again soon, very soon”. And then he kissed me and I went to school and he went to his car.
That morning he took a piece of my heart with him and ran away like a thief with it. He never came back.
Lidija
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