Our life depends on our perception of reality. I do not remember if I told you the story of Jacob’s girlfriends’ uncle. He is serving few life sentences in America. 30 years ago before getting there he was a well known brain surgeon. He divorced his wife and left his former family and grown up children for another woman. His first wife was found dead shortly afterwards. The circumstances of her death were not clear. Some people say he was accused in murder by his children who wanted revenge and money. Indeed, he was rich. Whatever happened, if he killed her or not, nobody can tell anything now for sure – things can terrible mesh up and become very confusing in 30 years time.
In jail he learnt Jewish, Torah and became a rabbi.
When Jacob and his girlfriend went to see him, he was a very old man, in his early eighties. He told them that in the last few years his life dramatically changed to better. Apparently, they moved him to another cell, so he could see a tree from his window instead of brick wall now.
If there are memory black holes and loops of memory exist, I think there are some other possible mechanisms of inner ticking could be employed too. Domino effects, for instance. One memory triggers another and yet another… So thinking about this guy in his solitary cell brought back another memory, a memory of shame actually. I went to India around 8 years ago. Staying at the burning ghatas in Varanasi and watching a pyre fire I suddenly saw a beggar boy, around 10 years old. He was handicapped: his legs and arms were distorted, disproportionally small and skinny. He crawled to me. What draw my attention was not his horrifying, grotesque figure, but smile. It beamed, on his face. All his being was fulfilled with happiness and emanating it. I have never came across such a happy person before in my life. I felt shame for myself. It looked like I had it all: healthy body, free time on my hands, sufficient living means, “future”, … you name it. And I wasn’t. I think about that street beggar sometimes.
Boris Kislitsin
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