Last night in my dream I searched for various ways to kill myself. I was in a bathroom, so I toyed with using a frayed power cord in the outlet and contemplated dropping an appliance into the bathtub. Though I searched slowly and thoughtfully–and free of anxiety–I couldn’t find any method quick and painless enough.
The strange thing about the situation is that there was a reason I needed to do this. I have little recollection of this reason other than that it was for a good purpose that helped out others (perhaps my family). In any case, I was not trying to end my life out of frustration, anger, boredom, or depression; instead I felt this was something I needed to do–perhaps it was in my destiny. As I contemplated the prospect of nonexistence, I was pleasantly surprised to discover no fear of death although part of me felt like I didn’t yet fully understand the realization of impending death.
Jacob Haqq-Misra
Other posts by Jacob Haqq-Misra
That’s funny. I was thinking just a couple days ago about how I could commit suicide if I was being forced to do (say tortured or put in the position where I could put lives of others in danger)… Jump off the window? But if there’s no window, and just a cell? A friend of mine told me about Chinese dissidents imprisoned, who tried to bang their hands on the wall, but couldn’t make it… So how can we die by our own will?
What a difficult case.
Hope you are well and best regards.
Thanks abraxus. Life is good, and all is well!